Sad Goodbyes...

Nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be so hard...

Things I am VERY thankful for:

I have been a bad blogger

Here are some fall happenings since I have been such a bad blogger...

I tried to be chill, but he's so hot that I melted...

Jason Mraz concert: October 11, 2008

Heart of the matter.... Forgiveness?

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

Big Breaths Everyone...

So today (well, yesterday technically now)was the day of great news!
1. Not only did I get my placement for student teaching, but I got someone from Messiah College to be my adviser. ::BIG SIGH:: I will be working with 5th grade in Mr. Wickenheiser's class at Rossmoyne Elementary School. PRAISE GOD!!

2. Sherri was officially made Program Director! A WHOO HOO! Way to go Sheriah!

3. All my paperwork is filed for certification. Officially filed. It is up to the state of PA now to make me a teacher.

4. I got my phone charger back.

5. 14 days until Disney.

6. Pictures surfaced from this weekend. Great weekend with Meggers.

A Wicked Weekend!

School is... going. I feel like I have been so busy to breathe, yet I have been sleeping a ton. I don't know what's going on, but I'm not happy about it. Every time I get a break, I get anxious that I am missing something - a deadline, a birthday, a form, an un-returned phone call, a broken promise, a dental cleaning, anything. Something is missing, and yet everything is relatively in order. I haven't so much as missed a teeth cleaning in the past couple of months. And yet, the anxiety is overwhelming. I think it's because now student teaching is becoming real. There is a set deadline of the end of college. As of December 13th, I don't have to come back to Eastern again. I feel as if I am detaching myself from my friends slowly; maybe due to the fact that we are changing, or maybe its to make the band-aid rip easier in December. My head is spinning with things to remember, people to call, assignments to read, bills to pay, budgets to stick to, papers to write, letters to send, ect. I feel like I can't catch my breath in all of this crazy-ness. But the scary thing is that not only is this the end of an era, its the beginning of a bigger one. Will the breathing get easier as I get things more under control, or will it keep coming each day, and I am left with the only option to fight or flight? After seeing K last week and having an actual conversation with him, I decided I had too much baggage. Too many things pulling down on me preventing me from breathing. So I deleted the only thing I had left that held any substance and true written memories of our relationship. My Xanga account. The thing that I would use to remind myself of the good times, or to vent about the bad. I used it to document my feelings towards God, him, life and to document how it was all evolving - how I was evolving. But I realized that I am not the same species that I was then let alone the same person, and to have those 300+ accounts of our relationship at my grasp was just too stupid. My mind has filtered out most of it, block some of it, and I feel that I remember what I need to. While there was a sense of relief in the removal of my depressed past, there feels like there is just an empty space now. One that doesn't hurt any more, but is nothing but hollow. Breathing didn't get easier. It just got hollower. I hope I can know the oxygen that it will take to make breathing easier... I have an idea... but I have been very wrong in the past.

Just a beautiful day in the park

A beautiful day in the park with 5 of my favorite people...

Mini Earth

This is definitely worth watching...

http://www.miniature-earth.com/me_english.htm

"Welcome Home, Jillian!"

Yesterday was my first day back with my girls. I had a nice, warm welcome...




(Check out the orange bun...)




This one was the result of me telling Alison that I wanted to see her new fall clothes. Please take note that they are layed out in outfits, or potential outfits.