The Sub Chronicles - Kids say the Darnedest things...

Bill Cosby coined the phrase: Kids say the darnedest things. Boy... he had no idea what a mouthful he was saying when he said that.

The things that you over hear on a day to day basis when you sub is unbelievable. This goes back to the idea that kids take in everything and are aware of everything. And most comments are strung from absolute innocence.

For example, the quote to himself "my head hurts when I think". He had no idea the humor and irony that was coming out of his mouth when he said it.

My favorite thing though (so far) happened during a conversation between 2 girls.

Both of these girls had to stay in during recess to work on something or another. When I was a kid, if I didn't get recess, that was the worst day ever. These girls seemed to be in no hurry to make it to the swings however. As they were working at their desk, I was sitting at the teacher's desk reading and not really listening to their conversation. They were talking quietly and as far as I was concerned, they were only wasting their own time.

For the sake of the story, we are going to name these girls Jenna and Kristen. Now, I am not sure exactly how this conversation got to this point, but I heard Kristen say "My dad really snores".

I love it when kids talk about their parents because no information is off limits, so I pause from my book to listen.

Jenna replies " My grandma's boyfriend really snores. I have to stay at my grandma's house when my mom's boyfriend comes to visit."

Now I am really listening.

Jenna continues "I am with my grandma about 4 times a week. But it's funny, because sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and hear snoring and its my grandma's boyfriend. He always gets there in the middle of the night when I am asleep."

Now they have my full attention.

Kristen reply's "Why doesn't he get there early to eat supper with you?"

Jenna says "Well, he is a truck driver and doesn't get in until late at night. It usually sounds like they are moving furniture before they go to bed, but when I wake up all the furniture is moved back to where it was before I went to bed."

I am ready to burst with laughter.

Kristen thinks about this for a minute and reply's "My mom and dad move furniture in the night too. I think it is Santa's elves who are checking on me in the night, they move it back before I wake up".

At this point I thought it was best to intervene and remind them to focus on their work. You really can't make this up...